OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_20000401/WLURG39_RTP_20000401_001.2.txt VOLUME 102, NO. 25 "P. ,‘;.':~:g §";,"t;*I,-.» ., I . . , -‘}.6f‘.:.',;‘...i- G. .,_. ’ if-.r-I L,3RA;qy ‘JV!-\.>H:i\lL"-ff? are 4'. 5.5-}; UNII/easrrv he fling-tum {flirt “WE’vE BEEN COMING EVERY MONDAY FOR 102 YEARS.” THIRD RING OF HELL, VIRGINIA 24450 MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1066 @112 {flirt April 1, 1492 Hill officials: “Racism no big deal” See the Deans run Girl wakes up in own puddle of vomit See Gilliam 409 Double-ply Trident replaces toilet paper See Gaines bathrooms GCF: “The . Hell with it” See Jerry Falwell after school Independent maintains “own identity” See Woods Creek Atkins spotted living under BV bridge See SAEs bring him food Student has friends in Athens, Chapel Hill See Cool Guy Phi Profile: Special Forces officer Clahk See definition of Napoleonic New Spring term courses announced: SOC 248 “The Less For- tunate: How to Talk to Your Non-Big Four Friends” ANTH 134 “Oakleys on "a Rainy Day: A Study of Non-functional Clothing” HIST 172 “Indifference at W&L: A Historical Perspec- tive” CHEM 104 “Getting the Most for your Ecstasy Dol- lar” ENGN 264 “Why Are You at W&L?” JOUR 321 “Ethics, We Don’ Need No Steenkin’ Ethics” See The Phi By Chip Furlow STAFF WRITER In a controversial move, the administration banned flip-flops on campus Friday. “We felt this was the right move,” said Dean of Students David Howison. “I mean really, there’s a line and I say we’ve crossed it.” The move was made in response to the over- whelming prevalence of unkempt Greek mem- bers roaming campus. “I’m in support of a casual classroom for the students,” said professor of history J.D. Futch. “But when I have guys coming in wearing a camo hat and flip-flops. . . I mean, that doesn’t even match. Who wears flip-flops to go hunting?” Students gathered Friday evening to pro- test the decision. “They tried to pull the same sh** with Croakies last year and we beat that. We just wanted to get out and voice our opin- ion,” said senior Phi Kap Russell Mackin as he filled a cup from the lukewarm keg of Natural Light attendant at the protest. “Plus, there’s not really anything going on tonight.” The pro- test began to grow unruly when the keg ran out shortly afler midnight. “All of a sudden I got this call from Dean Howison’s house,” said Security officer J.R. “Butch” Reynolds. “ When I arrived on the scene, I saw about 50 students beating the sh** out of a Honda Accord and chanting ‘Go to Hell Howison.’ It was scary. You try telling 50 frat guys to quit beating a car.” The Accord, which, it was later de- termined, belonged to Howison’s visiting mother- in-law, suffered more than $6,000 in damage. The students ended their riot by burning Howison in effigy. Lexington police, garbed in riot gear and pitching tear gas canisters, finally quelled the disturbance around 2:30 a.m. Tension had been building since the adminis- tration announced two weeks ago that it would sign an exclusive distribution contract with New Balance and Patagonia. “We’re very excited to solidify our relationship with these campus apparell leaders,” President John Elrod said. “This should streamline a lot of our student’s clothing purchases. Plus, it’ll hopefully help nip the whole Abercrombie thing in the bud.” photo by The Biscuit BIRKS A POOR SUBSTITUTE: Students put the beat down on Howison’s crappy car. Administration bans flip-flops on campus Controversial footwear decision sparks anti-Howison sentiment in ass—kickin’ midnight kegger and bonfire LAYING DOWN THE LAW LIKE MAMA sAYs: Thomas “Baner” Bane about to open a can o’ “whup—ass” on flip-flopping student offender Jessica Morton. photo by The Biscuit Prospective “very impressed” by W&L Alcohol use Tradition, tailgates and Phi Psi’s third floor excite girl; strong possibility she’ll apply, admissions says By Ling-Ling PHI PANDA BEAR Prospective student Lisa Woodring was im- pressed by the strong traditions at Washington and Lee, sources close to her indicate. After visiting last weekend, “She was just rav- ing about all the tradition they have up there,” said her mother, Judy Woodring. “The honor sys- tem, the speaking tradition, and all those really old brick buildings. I guess she’s just a very tradi- tional girl.” Besides the honor, friendliness, and neat-o ar- chitecture, Lisa found other traditions intact at the school. “Yeah, she said everybody just gets wasted all day long there,” noted Julie Thomas, a member of Woodring’s soccer team. “Apparently they have this tailgate thing whereeverybody dresses up and drinks before football games. It’s a real tradition, I guess.” Other Washington and Lee traditions Woodring was able to participate in included wear- ing her new black pants, puking in the Graham- Lees toilets and pleasuring a junior Econ major in a third floor room of the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity house. Thus, according to super-secret sources at ad- missions, W&L and Woodring would seem to be the perfect match. It seems likely that the pro- spective will choose to attend W&L. “Yeah, she wants to go somewhere with a lot of brick buildings and ivy, and she didn’t get into Dartmouth, so I guess it’s W&L,” remarked John Woodring, the prospective’s brother. Students, workers exchange nervous glances Construction workers becoming part of W&L landscape, cause uneasiness among rich kids “NO COMMENT”: Construction workers stubbornly refuse The Phi’s relentless efforts to discuss student/worker relations. By Holly Wood STAFF WRITER “Yeah, seems like every site I’m on there’s some t‘****** senior Company. rette.” photo by The Biscuit Brichford. In the latest renewal of the age-old tradition of uneasy co- existence of the social classes, Economics Reynolds Jackson exchanged on Tuesday a curt, nervous glance with Gary Brichford, a brick mason working on the new parking garage for the Haskell “Yeah, there’s always the same guy standing there when I walk by. I guess he’s like a guard or something,” said Jack- son. “I’m never sure whether to say ‘hi’ or not.” “Yeah, I totally see the same guy every day,” said Katherine Bannister, a junior English ma- jor. “He’s always smoking a ciga- Brichford has become a fa- miliar sight to the motorists and pedestrians who pass his post at the Nelson Street entrance to the project site. Jackson and Bannister are not alone in their reaction. Several students have reported feelings of intense guilt and anxiety as a result of their daily walk past the con- struction site, a phenomenon which is not unfamiliar to rich kids think they can say ‘hi’ to you and it makes it alright I ’m working two shifts to feed my family back in West Virginia while they get drunk every week- end on Mommy and Daddy’s bill,” he said. Brichford has yet to experi- ence any feelings of solidarity with the friendly students. “I guess they think they’re all real t‘****** Socialists or some- thing. Right on comrade,” said Brichford as he climbed into his 1986 Yugo hatchback before making the drive to his room at the Econo-Lodge on Route 1 1. Bannister has made it a goal to say “hi” before the end of the year. “It seems like they work re- ally hard, so the least we can do is make them feel welcome here. I get so mad when people just walk by them like they’re not even human beings. I mean, we do have a Speaking Tradition here.” Jackson concurred. “Yeah, I guess they are building our park- ing garage for us, even if they have taken their sweet P“ * * * * * time with it. Can you believe l’ve had to park my Four-Runner over in the Red Light District for the last month? It’s almost not even worth driving anymore.” major antiquated? Java at the GHQ draws huge crowd, while country party at Windfall ignored By Poison OPEN UP AND SAY/lHHH.... In a stunning turn of events Wednesday night, “Java at the GHQ”, a non-alcoholic alternative to the traditional party scene, outdrew the keg party simultaneously taking place at Windfall. “Yeah, I get pretty tired of drinking with my friends and talking to hot girls,” remarked Scott Garrett, a sophomore Phi Delt, “I was just ready for a change, you know?” Garrett was not alone. The “Java” night drew its highest attendance ever on Wednesday, an occurrence which administrators were at a loss to explain. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on.” said a confused Dean Howison, as he fought his way through the gaggle of KDs standing in front of the coffee bar. “Is anyone driving out to Wind- fall later?” Some called the “Java” attendance record a fluke; others saw it as a seminal event in Wash- ington and Lee history. Jane Horton, head of Student Health noted, “I really think the culture’s changing here. I mean really, how many generations of W&L kids can spend their time standing around in polo shirts, and khakis, drinking, before it gets boring? I think coffee is really the new answer to quelling the mind-numbing boredom of living in Lexington as a an 18-21 year old.” One reason for the big draw might have been “Java at the GHQ’s” Amsterdam Night. The an- nual theme night featured several Dutch activi- ties like tulip planting, a Van Gogh exhibit and an exhibit on windmill making. But the main draw may have been the “Phatty J” booth featuring large “marijuana cigarettes” and optional “bong hits.” Several hookers were on hand as well, represent- ing Amsterdam’s famous Red Light District. Over- all, patrons were impressed. “Where else can I try the new K-bud from Nova Scotia on the University’s tab,” said drooping sopho- more David Crawford. “Plus, cheap whores definitely don’t hurt. Thank you Virginia ABC Boar .” OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_20000401/WLURG39_RTP_20000401_002.2.txt ‘ X 7 5 : I @112 fling-tum ifllii ‘ PAGE 2 I F E , _ RIL FOOL s IssUE ’ . O O Slflnalurc Special True faith IS found; PA WWN S at W&L 0 . “ * By Maj or John Thomas I used to be a member of EH4L, but upon talking to CLOSETPWP thelPA:VthWNS people and rethinking my belief system, I . Have on ever wondered wha . , . . rea ize _ at we were all sharing a belief in the same ideas, owando-y 9 a) 1%] Claéz by your Seem? DO you Seek C0I:S:ta;E11::lE::§:;a;:::naS(::lC3 we werejust misguided in our focus,” Paul said. “Wayne »‘~ ers because thinking for yourself is no longer fun? Have ::sa:rand ahragls. hafifgen’ the Father’ and an other Sing" B I B C 1 you ever wanted to join an elitist group who looks down 6 mere y ls C 1 rem’ so to speak’ Burt. (BaFCz_irach)’ y ' ' uu on others based upon a singular belief‘? If you answered Tom JoneS’.Englebert’ they were all made m H15 Image’ REPORTEREXTRAORDINAIRE “yes” to any of these questions Washington and Lee’s but Wayne IS the Supreme Leader", The announcement this Week that Washington newest campus group is perfect on you’ The group opens each meeting with a series of perfor- ii and Lee’s new parking deck will not open until the People Always Wanting Wayne Newton’s Singing inan.ces by the Chlldren Ofwayne’ who Slilg Songs by’ or end of the next millennium was greeted with a series (P.A.W.W.N.S), a self-proclaimed “cult-esque” group has inspired b.y’ Wayne’ The group th.en studles Wayne 1”" ofgroans from one end ofoampus to the omen recently brought its unique brand of hypocrisy and hate_ ICS, interviews with Wayne, and discuss how Wayne has There W35: h°WeVeT» one Person who was made mongering to Lexington. Their leader, Peter, explained the $2:/Ved the human rage‘ .One member’ Matthew’ says i» “downright giddy” by this announcement. group’s mission. iyne has changed hls Me‘ _ He is LeXlngt0n’S OW“ Special F0reeS Officer “Our whole thing is faith in Wayne Newton and His 1 Igamember the fiist meetmg I Came to’ Someone Rand)’ Dwight Clahk singing,” Peter said. “What we do for our Wayne mis- p éye Dank? Schoen and I knew I wa,s,SaVed from t.he A great deal of Clahk’sjob description consists sion, is come to a location and give out cups and CD5, Ejoistzlys my me h.ad be?“ about before’ Matthew s.ald' Ofparking enforcementiwhkh he Performs extremely take people on Wayne retreats, and for all intents and d Sk ayne 529:?’ my hme danke Schoen’ Oh’ my “me ' dillgembfl busting dangerous Students and residents purposes, brainwash individuals into proclaiming their win? Schoen '- ~ . who look suspiciously like they’ll make use of 10- beliefin Waynega SIR WAYNE. The PAWWNS esteemed leader d Le group invites all members. of the Washington nginute parking for 11 minutes, lovingly fastening The groups has seen modest success here in Lexington and Cu“ inspriations Mr- Wayne NeWt0n- Etilnd 1::oc3:;tmi:n\l£,i;::O::1edattdbdlscovfg3:6 ml? :1‘?- “ oots” to tires, and callin his friends at the towin ' ' * - - i e “We mug 15 amasmmmaai£mmaaiaa.g zfiiaghseaaaflaaaadeihaa 8$i$h$§$£2%%$$$fi£fi;$$'X:$2fi“$5%n““???“e”e“”“ ” 4‘ ‘ ‘I ‘ ' is . . - ' . ., 1 IZ Clahlivsiidlildsinxi ‘Iii, Ah wontid ta tow cahs, EH4L (Englebert Humperdinck 4 Life) and FOCUS (Fans piained the transmom Bring); fri 611%, p Z3 an Us 66 games to follow’ The City of Lexington has indeed recognized the . M.‘ E3333"?i’§‘§;?;l”§ZZiiiiifiiiifiiiéifiifiiiifffi T“”"5d°Y»M°rCh3°Iei . ‘ I ' to his existing golf cart’ based on and named after 12:00 p.m. Charity Benefit. ffI)u1}kYoor£favonte Campus B1abberrnouth.” Clahk’s own favorite Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile. Sponsored :,b\¥fTh’e R".7g41f”’,£hi Legal Defense Fund’ Clahk has high hopes of expansion for the future. 8:00 p'm° ’Lecm?? Sene.§‘e¥1:m.E5liq°tlmc’iL'MiQmnl’ Professors . “Yep. Since that dang garage won’t be openin’ Emerltlofphliosophy .3‘ 9‘.“"§’5“y' “The Changlilg :' anytime soon, Ah’m gunna be cashin’ in on y’all Role 0t:PSe'ud°:. °.c“1e»ty' "La Ch.ape]‘Recepu°n to sorry sunzab****es,” Clahk cackled gleefully, add- follow mth?ilB7Qsf!t‘?vn.g:1i.t.R°Qngli: 1 . I . I P ’ ing that, uh, what he really meant was that he would 11:00 p‘m' Lecture Senesf : Qught to be President‘? Sponsored . continue to strive to keep the streets of Lexington by the College " I ‘, safe from hazardously arked SUVs. “And, course, _ H ‘ since, well, Ah, uh, befieal busy doin’ that, the city . . M F|”ldClY. March . . “ f , , . 3 ‘ 2 L E . . can’t help but wanna buy me that Humvee Ah be T d M , i . 6:00 a.m. VOIunteerSem1fia{.oj;. diOl3ir1Ad1T1i1.?i3n'afi°n C313’? Get ~ P needin’ to enforce the law to the best of mah capa- Ues aY' _a.rc . _ I e W371!-ll15lHaVel0D0ItF01"fi1em-”‘ .. bilitiosy . 10:30 a.m. First annual One Man March on Washington Hall. Sponsored by sponsoredgy H'a§im‘i_-/floor‘ and The Thnberpramers Gmm , Clahk contends that his wish for a Humvee has ‘ the Couegf Democrat‘ I i 4300 P-'“- Squash "On o1legé.;Libei;ty Hall Field.‘ absolutely nothing to do with insecurity about his I 6:30 P-m-‘ , R95P°[}3ib{1“YSYmP°§1um-P5Y°h-11}at¢13P°n1Y°°m€S§V¢17250Y€313- 7:30 p.m. Winter 2000’Poi ‘Ei$stasy”’(l:981L)'ldirected . ~ manhood’ Absolutely nothing 7:30 p.m. A Organizational meeting. “W&L will be a single-sex institution anonymously; French; "b,titles.Room 221, Williams School, . . Anyway, Should you got done with Class one day, ’ agam” club. Arlington Women’s Center. 9:00 p.m. Candlelight‘ hon“ daho Awareness Day.‘ St. Patrick’s. ‘ and as you approach your car notice a little yellow . c ’ ~ ‘ ” P * C '1 ii .. if . if '‘ paper thoughtfully tucked under your windshield ,, W6dH€$dGy, MGPCH , Saturday’ .: _ gm E V wiper, think of that tricky little Officer Clahk, and 7:30 p.m. Organizational meeting. “I lost a J. Crew pea coat at Pi Phi” 1:00 p_m, . concert, Lex_ gtoiiiflhil §s:(§rchestra;:Wiflr Xylophone solo how he’s just saved the streets of Lexington — from . support group. Room 109, University Center. P by Jeannie'Pfi{;e‘ .¥oh11" I I '0 r, Lenfest Center. you, sucker. 8:00 p.m. . Java at the GHQ. Special guest speaker. “How to deal with 3:00 p.m. » Ping.-pong(V J L, _, g , niversity; Front Lawn. e e 3' —-The Phi thanks Billy Joe Tiddledum for trans- , , George W33 daughter on campus. The do’s and don’ts,” , 4;0Q,p,m_, ».~;3ynch,on;g¢¢;§f, L V’ 0 ' C“ ‘ v ' Iating assistance during Officer Clahks interview. ~, 7 o -, Bill Clinton, President, United States. W&L mvenlurged to attend. - . . ',,Tw¢m'51y I ‘:2; I « “ v “How much ya got?” “Bea Arthur.” “Nothing I haven’t already done “It’s all in my name, baby!” “Only something I’d really enjoy — — Polly Doig ‘O0 —— Max Smith ‘01 for free.” — Neal Willetts ’03 like clean up puke at The Palms.” — Hollister Hovey ’00 —— Emily Barnes ’0l 7 TOYOTA TOYOTA -1 01 MORE VALUE/LESS MONEY INTRODUCING mm NEW TOYOTA ECHO THERE’S AN ECHO OUT THERE! Great looko on the outoldc, great room on the inside. Cruioc the highway at 40 Ml’G'...vcry thrifty. Power? Plenty! ll:’o a 1.5 liter hi-tech 16 valve DOCH engine with variable valve timing (new) that kicko out lO8 horccpowcr any time you want it. And boat of all, Echo lo the lowcot priced Toyota! Hard-up middle-aged fat chick seeks: Sperm Donor ages 13-?? Compensation $12,000, » $24,000 if hand-delivered. Must have pulse, SATs no higher than 550 (com- " bined), low-fertility rate, dwarf-like stature, pasty- white complexion, albinos preferred. Please describe motivation and send i several [ we wallpaper our bathroom with them] photos to: re lNeedAMan@sendyourseed.com All serious replies answered New _ thru Toyota Motor Credit l"I6lP5 thoec with limited credit history buy or lease a new Echo or Cclica. Soc dealer for dctalla. L@ TOYOTA real values. every day. —l wwwg at-i-loyota _co m 'EPA estimated 32/39 City/Hwy automatic, 34/41 City/Hwy manual. OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_20000401/WLURG39_RTP_20000401_003.2.txt APRIL FOOL’S ISSUE ifling-tum lflhi LER PAGE 3 « E-mail General Notes to I71‘ Research conclusive: Ennui is genuine In a striking study released Monday, researchers from the NYU Department of Psychology challenged cynical notions about the ennui often found among Washington and Lee students. “Contrary to what some people believe, and to what we ourselves expected to find, the indifference and apathy of these students is quite genuine,” remarked Josh Barker, head of the study. Some critics of W&L society have in the past insinu- ated that the boredom so characteristic of many students was “just a front,” used to appear “cool” and aloof. “That’s not true,” noted Barker. “Perhaps in the past, the attitude commonly referred to as ‘ennui’ was part of Ellie Etna-tum ifllii Polly Doig MikeCrittenden Max Smith Stephanie Bianco Elianna Marziani Steele Cooper Kevin McManemin As If The Biscuit Lisa Lin Neal Willetts Executive in Charge of Hazing Spirits Editor Breaking Fluff Editor Otterville Editor Upcoming Fluff Editor Filler Editor Ex-Last Word Editor Copy Editor Picture Girl Assistant Picture Girl Executive Editor ’s Slave The Ring-tum Phi is published under extreme duress during the undergraduate school year at Washington and Lee University, Lexington, VA. Funding for The Ring- tum Phi comes primarily from the sale of crack and other hallucinogenic drugs, with additional revenue from the prostitution of staff members. The Washington and Lee Publications Board elects the Executive Editor, who is kept locked where she belongs in the basement of the University Center. The Ring-tum Phi does not welcome submissions or letters anymore. Don’t cry to us; keep your opinions to yourself. We don’t care. The Ring-tum Phi reserves the right to edit submissions for opinion and length, and if you’re dissing us, forget about it. Letters and columns do not reflect the opinion of The Ring-tum Phi Editorial Board, just select members whom you may feel free to contact individually. Advertising does not reflect the opinions of The Ring-tum Phi or its staff, for those of you who got your panties in a bunch over that phonebook thing. This newspaper frequently violates current court definitions of libel and obscenity. The Ring-tum Phi. 208 University Center ‘ Washington and Lee University Lexington, VA 24450 some deliberate, self-conscious image. But it has now be- come so ingrained in the culture that it is really just a natu- ral orientation towards life for most students.” The study was conducted by gauging subject response to various stimuli, including pictures of starving children, reports of a death in their family, and tales of injustice from the Civil Rights movement. Subjects were then exposed to more benign stimuli. - “I guess we knew we were dealing with some deep- seated ennui when we got more explosive responses to stuff like ‘the parking garage won’t really be finished until next fall; there’s nothing going on this weekend; the Co- op quit selling Swedish Fish,’ that soit of stuff.” There was also a more free-fomi portion of the study, in which students were asked to write essays in response to questions such as “What, ideally, would you do with your life?; When have you been most impassioned in your life?; What is your vision of Utopia?” Most participants apparently thought themselves in the midst of a history exam. “I don’t even think they read the questions,” Barker noted. “I think conducting the survey in Newcomb was a real mistake. Those blue books didn’t help either, I guess.” Independent maintains “own identity” Dave Lemon, a junior anthropology major popular around campus for his wit and eclectic sense of style, re- vealed in a press conference Monday that he declined to go through fraternity rush because he wished to “maintain my own identity, you know? I mean, I don’t need forty guys around me who all wear the same clothes, and have the same hairstyle, and wear the same shoes, just to make me feel good about myself,” Lemon said, as he fingered the beaded necklace which has become HIS trademark. The conference was held in response to a question from a friend, who asked Lemon Saturday night as they both enjoyed the sounds of Snack Bar Jones at the Sigma Chi fraternity house. “Why didn’t you pledge?” asked the friend. Lemon immediately rolled his eyes and displayed a large grin. “Man, that is so typical,” he said. He then took his friend by the arm and said, “I’ll tell you about it some time. Secret “big four” breeding grounds discovered by Rockbridge Sheriff Local authorities were shocked Tuesday by the dis- covery of a secret breeding grounds in a remote section of Rockbridge County. Sheriff R.C. Slowcum led the task force which discovered the grounds after a tip from a local teen- ager, who stumbled upon the area while looking for a place to take his girl. The five-acre “ranch,” as one observer described it, is apparently intended for the sole purpose of producing young men to feed into W&L’s fabled “big four fratemi— ties. . . [Funny cliches about W&L fraternity members followed but were cut for space.] Thetas show dominatrix style Once again, Kappa Alpha Theta is on top in IM sports events By J oc Breef STAFF WRITER In brutal fashion, Kappa Alpha Theta has once again asserted its dominance in women’s intramurals competition. Taking first place in all sports except ping-pong, Theta domi- nation was utter and complete. “We Rock! I !” exclaimed one happy Theta as she bounded through the halls of the Warner Center. Theta sealed the overall champion- ship following a bloody indoor soccer season, but has continued to field teams into the spring. There are plans to enter a team in the men’s IM foot- ball toumament next fall. “Dude, I’m scared,” said Roger Bailey, member of the L2 football team, this year’s champions. “I heard those girls mess sh** up.” Inside sources attribute the sorority’s continued success to a rigourous weight training program and heavy use of mass-building protein shakes. “Yeah, some of the girls were get- ting pretty slack in the weight room earlier in the year. We had a few closed meetings, and there were some pretty intense exchanges,” said junior Kelly Mclnnis. “But I think we came out of it a stron- ger, tougher group of athletic young women.” _ In a related note, Coach Jones, head of the IM program, held a press con- ference Monday to dispel rumors that Theta would be included in the men’s. IM division next year. “There are not now, nor have there ever been, plans to include the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority in the men’s in- tramural league. We as an athletic de- partment staff looked at the problem closely, and we have full confidence in the safety measures now in place to protect the young women competing against these extraordinarily fit la- ’dies.”V‘ Photo by The Biscuit You I)oN’T WANT ANY or THIs! Do YOU WANT SOME or THIS?! DIoN’T THINK You WANTED ANY or THIs! This is as close as these Thetas would let our photographer get to them on the soccer field. “This is OUR‘ HOUSE,” they y"’elled.""‘Gef“oiit of “OUR house!”i gm M osl’ W&L Shiclcisls Building your assets is one thing. Figuring out how those assets can provide you with a comfortable retirement isquite another. At T|AA~CREF, we can help you with both. You can count on us not only while you're saving and planning for retirement, but in retirement, too. Just call us. We'll show you how our flexible range of payout options can meet your retirement goals. With TIAA-CREF, you benefit from something few other companies can offer: a total commitment to your financial well-being, today and tomorrow. Ensuring the future for those who shape it.” IAA-CHEF provides inancial solutions to last a lifetime. 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Read it carefully before you invest or send money. 0 2000 T|AA'CREF 1/00- Baserl on wet Boll! survev data from 1998,1999 Funded llll a grant from 7/1490 Virginia llenartment of Alcoholic Beiieragecontrol OCR::/Vol_102/WLURG39_RTP_20000401/WLURG39_RTP_20000401_004.2.txt LAST WORD APRIL F OOLS ISSUE Hollywood hits W&L ikv marisa coughlan kris pollina _ _ _ _ mark rolston (Sha wshank jim stagnitta (Teaching Mrs. Tingle) daVld $ChWlmm9l’ mike wlenlck Redemption & Aliens) mena suvari katie boening peter gallagher greg meyers nick carter (American Beauty) (American Beauty) (backstreet boys) .4 2. *” » i A michael rapaport brian brantley wes bentley zach fake tom green (Beautiful Girls) (American Beauty) mi¢h39’ 5tiP9 josh harvey Iucy Iiu B emily belcher elizabth harve y (Ally McBeal) topher grace turner vosseler I angelina jolie heather mcdonald (That ‘70s Show) meg ryan kate mason sharon stone michelle backus