OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_001.2.txt it & 4 373.755 "Arch R555?»- v. :03 V10» l0 C :9 dc-—I VOLUME 103, No. 10 C112 ‘tiling WASHINGTON AND LEE UNrvERsrTY’s WEEKLY NEWSPAPER [7, f “ LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA 24450 L- ’r‘.TK’)L%J, VA. ,3445c L7i?“;‘~i'l.!7 - 2 t. :’.LJ"'NBRASl T I I WA8H!Ne‘TON it La; um/ens; lg‘: "‘ r MONDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2000 By Latrina Stokes ‘ STA FF WRITER Lexington police recovered sev- eral bicycles stolen last week from Washington and Lee dorms and Washington Street fraternity houses. The theft of the 16 bikes, worth more than $1 1,000, occurred Oct. 2 and 3 between 11 p.m. and 4 a. in. Lexington Police Chief Bruce Beard said that an anonymous tip led the police to discover all of the bikes. They were found encrusted in mud under a residential‘ porch on North Randolph Street. Seven people have been charged for the thefts. “We are still investigating because three of the suspects are juveniles,” Chief Beard said. “Petitions will be filed for grand larceny against them.” The four adults were charged with grand larceny and possession of sto- len property. Director of Campus Security Mike Young said that one of the victims actually saw some of the bikes being stolen. “A student observed three white males and one black male ride away,” Young said. Three were juveniles and one was an adult. He thought it suspicious that they would be leaving campus at 3:00 a.m. “He didn’t realize that they were the thieves until later when he found Stolen bicycles recovered out that his bike had been stolen,” Young said. Only eight bikes were reported stolen to Campus Security. ’ Wednesday the Lexington Police Department contacted Campus Secu- rity to inform them that all bikes had been recovered. As of Friday, nearly all of the bikes were returned to their owners. Young said that the thefts were easy because none of the bikes were locked or chained. ' Junior Ian McAllister was so busy that he forgot to lock his bike before going into the Science center Mon- day night. “I normally lock my bike, but that was the last thing on my mind,” McAllister said. McAllister parked his bike at 11 p.m. He did not‘ discover it was miss- ing until he finished his computer sci- ence project at 6 am. “I was shocked and disappointed when I found out that my bike had been stolen,” McAllister said. Initially McAllister felt his confi- dence in the honor system plummet. “I felt that the honor system and the whole campus had been vio- lated,” he said. “However, I realized it was people off campus and not stu- dents, so that wasn’t the case.” He was impressed at how quickly local authorities found the culprits. “W&L security and Lexington police should be commended for ap- prehending the thieves,” he said. REUNITED. Junior Ian McAllister stands with his newly recovered bike, one of 16 stolen from Washington and Lee students. photo by Emily Barnes/Executive Editor By Mike Agnello STAFF WRITER UFO’s, ghosts, angels, and reincarnation all remain largely unexplained—-—unless your name is Dr. Paul Kurtz. “If you cannot prove it, suspend judge- ment,” Kurtz said in his lecture Thursday night in Lee Chapel. Kurtz, Professor Emeritus at State Univer- sity of New York in Buffalo, specializes in unexplained, supernatural phenomena, and offers his services on numerous TV shows as an expert skeptic. He has appeared on “Sally Jesse Raphael,” “Larry King Live,” and numerous local and national news pro- grams. Critical of the media, he said that the press sensationalizes supernatural phenom- ena stories to draw viewers, and seldom pre- sents a critical image. “When I’m on television, I’m usually the only professed skeptic, while there are usually at least three ‘believers,”’ he said. Beer flows freely at experiment LIFE and Peer Counseling representatives posted the results from the BAC and sobriety tests on a wall of the GHQ, in order to keep track of the effects of alcohol on each drinking participant. By Katie Howell STAFF WRITER Most people who see these things, Kurtz said, suffer from crypto-arnnesia, in which the mind distorts memories trapped in the subconscious. He noted that President Jimmy Carter once reported he saw a UFO, only to find out later that it was really the planet Venus at dusk. Such incidents are not uncommon, he said, because people’s minds see what they want to believe is true. The same thing applies to horoscopes, which he said are completely invalid. “I’ve given a classroom full of people the same horoscope, and they all said it applied to them somehow,” he said. Kurtz also stressed the upward trend in belief in the supernatural in the United States, saying that America ranks num- ber one among western nations in sev- eral paranormal and supematural catego— ' rres. “It’s ironic that belief in [the super- natural] has increased almost proportion- ately with progress in science and tech- The drinks were on Washington and Lee Wednesday night as several students took part in the Controlled Drinking Experiment. The event, sponsored by LIFE and the Peer Counselors, was designed to promote alcohol awareness, and drew in 25 student participants from various campus organizations. Teams of two students representing university organizations participated in the experiment, one to drink and the other to aid the drinker. Participants, all 21 or older, consumed two beers at their own pace within the first 45 minutes. They then waited 15 minutes before taking a BAC test administered by Lexington Police and the Rockbridge County Sheriff ’s Office. The drinkers’ partners helped them to fill out their forms and to keep track of time. Participants then continued to drink and to test themselves after each beer. “We do this presentation to give people the idea of how little alcohol it takes to get a BAC,” Lindsey Duran, LIFE co-chair for the Substance Committee, said. Participants drank up to six beers within two hours, though they were allowed to stop whenever they chose. At the end of the night, each drinker took a sobriety test. “We posted the information not only to show the alcohol effect rate, but also to show the differences in effects on individuals, for example men and women or large and small people,” LIFE co—advi— sor Dr. Jane Horton said. Student band Poston Brown Project played while students and specta- tors enjoyed snacks and drinks. LIFE and Peer Counselors also furnished beer goggles and Alcohol 101, a simulated drinking computer game. “I think it is a good idea for the school to promote alcohol educa- tion,” H.N. Ferguson Rockbridge County Deputy Sheriffsaid. “It is important for students to know their legal limits so that they can be responsible drinkers.” . Organizations participating in the activity included Environmen- tal Law, Rutherford Institute, Executive Committee, Federalist Soci- ety, Rho Chis, Trident, Law School, GHQ, Club Softball, Dorm Coun- ‘ selors, PRIDE, College Republicans, Student Bar Association, In- dependents, fraternities, and sororities. Duran said that she hopes that the participants will recognize the true aim of the experiment. “We hope people will come away from this with a lesson,” she said. nology,” he said. Kurtz also talked at length on reincar- nation. He said that in many experiments, students under hypnosis were asked to “take [the person performing the experi- ment] back” to their “previous life.” “These students have admitted to be- ing everything from a Neanderthal to a Roman soldier in their previous lives,” he said, adding that the vivid details the stu- dents provided only further proved how implausible it was. “All you have to do is check the fac- tual information in their stories, and you’ll find that many are incorrect,” he said. On an appearance on “Sally Jesse Raphael,” Kurtz left no doubt of his skep- ticism. After watching guests under hyp- nosis admit to past lives in different peri- ods of history, he asked: “Tell me, has anybody here had a past life as a cocker spaniel?” Sophomore Christina Twomey, who did not agree with Kurtz’s presentation, Contact speaker debunks the supernatural said that he used distinctly unreliable sources to illustrate the opposition’s point of view and applied rational thought to irrational phenomena. “He didn’t do a good job of present- ing either point of view,” Twomey said. Though he said he found the lecture entertaining, freshman Daniel Vos agreed. “A lot of his principles were pretty commonsense,” Vos said. Twomey said she was surprised that the Contact Committee, which brings in many well—received speakers, invited Kurtz. “I thought it was awful. . . I hope they ‘ didn’t spend a lot of money on him,” she said. Contact Committee member Mike Stefan said that he was pleased with Kurtz’s lecture and presentation. “The Contact Committee tries to bring speakers of educational and/or entertainment value,” Stefan said. “We thought Dr. Kurtz achieved both of these ends.” photo by Lisa Lin/Photo Editor WHAT’s YOUR BAC? LIFE members tally results of the drinking experiment. Ellie ‘fling-tum lflhi October 9, 2000 OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_002.2.txt PAGE 2 @112 {Ring-tum ifihi OCTOBER 9, 2000 ‘ ‘TH E WORLD gence unit assigned to collect information on German atomic bomb projects, focuses on the Manhattan X Project, the massive scientific and technological ef- fort that produced the first atomic bomb. "The goal of By Mehul Srivastava STAFF WRITER Kostunica sworn in as Yugoslav president Vojislav Kostunica took office as Yugoslaviafs presi- dent elect this Sunday after widespread protests and in- ternational pressure forced Slobodan Mi1osevic\to hand over the reins to Kostunica. ‘ The recently held elections were allegedy rigged in Milosevic’s favor. He had ruled Yugoslavia for the past 13 years and was widely believed to have been extremely corrupt. No announcements have been made yet about inves- tigations into these allegations, fueling speculation that some kind of deal might have been struck. Nor has any decision been reached about his extradition so that he can be tried for human rights abuse charges. However, all of these reports remain unconfirmed. Kostunica was welcomed into office by several nations, and he has been invited to an European Union summit where he would receive emergency aid from the Euro- pean nations. The economy responded positively, with the Yugoslav Dinar rising against the Deutsch Mark. In related news, China denies rumours that Milosevic would try to flee to Beijing with the about $150 million worth of gold reserves. SORORITY hot water used by all five of the sorority houses. Pressure must be regulated as the demand for heat changes. When the safety pressure is exceeded, a safety valve releases steam through a pipe that ex- its through the roof. Beebe has contacted the contractor to make the necessary adjustments and aims to have the prob- lem repaired within the week. Although the problem‘ is the contractor’s responsibility, the Physical Plant hopes to alleviate the strain on students) “We don’t want to inconvenience [them],” he said. “It’s a new building and we want to get the bugs fixed.” When the alarm went off again the following the Alsos project," explained Settle, "is to provide a wide range of references to resources for the study of the Manhattan Project to as large an audience as pos- sible. We anticipate this project will strengthen the quality of education by connecting different disci- plines, issues and ideas surrounding nuclear energy." Alsos was the code name for the U.S. Army's intelli- tr gence unit assigned to collect information on German atomic bomb projects during World War II. As well as searching and indexing tools that allow a user to explore the web site, Alsos will contain a set of audio and visual references that will include in- dexed, digitized sound tracks and images. Links to vetted web sites will also be provided. Settle sees this site as being useful in organizing classes, seminars and other projects on the atomic bomb. He currently .0 leads an interdisciplinary seminar on the atomic bomb at W&L. The project is a component of the National Sci- ence Digital Library program that involves approxi- mately 42 colleges and universities. The goal of this program is to provide resources for teaching science, mathematics, engineering and technology to students from kindergarten through adult learners. Settle joined the W&L faculty in 1998. He has been It a member of the Virginia Military Institute faculty and has served as program director for chemistry in the Science Foundation Fotaliflg $234000 to C°nFi‘}“e division of undergraduate education for the National work on a web—based project titled The Alsos Digital Science Foundation‘ Library” -courtesy W&L website I Alsos, the code name for the U.S. Army's intelli- Tl-IIS VVEEK New Film Observes 130th Anni- versary of Lee's Death Lee: Beyond the Battles, a new documentary film by Rubicon productions examining the life and legacy of Robert E: Lee will be shown in Lee Chapel on Thursday, Oct. 12 at 7:00pm. Created and directed by alumnus Drew Perkins ‘84, with journalism professor Robert de Maria as associate producer, the film features interviews with historians Ted DeLaney, Holt Merchant, and Tay- lor Sanders, all professors of history, and Vaughan Stanley, associate professor and special collections li- brarian. Merchant also served as the project’s academic coordinator. The film will be shown on PBS next year. -courtesy Robert de Maria and Lee Chapel Museum AIDS vaccine trials South Africa’s Medical Research Council announced Wednesday that heating breast milk from a mother carry- ing the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) could pre- vent the virus’ transmission from mother to child. Council president Malegapuru Makgoba also announced that South Africa will begin clinical trials in February of an HIV vaccine developed with the United States. The trials will last several years, but Makgoba hopes to have results by 2005. A large number of infants are infected with HIV by their mothers in South Africa, where 10 percent of people are infected with HIV, one of the highest infection rates on the African continent. The council reported that heating a mother’s breast milk upto 65 degrees Celsius for 20 rriinutes leaves 80 percent of the milk’s antibodies and nutrients and provides an al- ternative to expensive anti-retroviral drugs. W&L Professors Receive $224,000 from NSF Frank Settle, professor of chemistry at Washing- ton and Lee, and Tom Whaley, professor of computer science at W&L, have received a grant from the Na- Israeli border clashes ma, Islamic guerrillas operating out of Lebanon traded fire with the Isreali army and captured three soldiers during nine days of fighting between Palestinians and Isreaelis. Responding, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak set a 48 hour ultimatum for Palestinians to halt their assaults on military outposts and civilian settlements. Observers fear that recent clashes may derail the current Isreali/Palestin- ian peace talks. s FROM PAGE 1 Wednesday, residents of the house were prepared to handle the situation. Herman said that she knew what was going to happen when the lights began to flicker. This time, however, the Physical Plant did not have to turn off the hot water line. Although not strictly necessary, the girls stayed outside until the alarm was turned off. The most com- mon complaint concerned the alarm’s volume. The other sorority houses, including Theta and Chi-O, let the Pi Phis stay inside of their houses until the problem subsided. “I credit the girls for doing what they were sup- posed to do,” Director of Security Mike Young said. “I appreciate that.” '_ When you're investing for retirement, the adage doesn't apply to taxes. can add up to significantly more money for you—- money you can use to supplement your pension and Social Security. deferral, or call us for a free tax-savings calculator. 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Now you can too! ¢ &\‘.,sv\;o fiom Enter for a chance to win at your local Council Travel office or at counciltravel.com 4 Miles, Route ‘I1 North Lexington 463-2621 In this hypothetical example, setting aside $100 a month in a tax-deferred investment with an 8% return in a 28% tax bracket shows better growth after 30 years than the same net amount put into a savings account. Total returns and principal value of investments will fluctuate, and yield‘ may vary. The chart above is presented for illustrative purposes only and does not reflect actual performance, or predict future results, of any TIAA-CREF account, or reflect expenses. Gate Opens 7pm Movies at Dusk This mp "° AI"i°° is p'°"ided b7 2000 Kirsten Dunst Eliza Dushku A I Ensuring the future for those who shape it.“ No Purchase Necessary. Open to residents of U.S.. betweenthe ages of 18 and 35 as of 9/5/00. Void where prohibited. See agency for Official Rules or go to counciltravelcom. Sweeps! kes ends 10/15/O0. NURSE BETTY R www.tiaa-cref.org For more complete information on our securities products, please call 1.800.842.2733, ext. 5509, to request prospectuses. Read them carefully before you invest. 0 TIAA{REF Individual and Institutional Services, Inc. distributes the CREF and TIAA Real Estate variable annuities. - Teachers Personal Investors Services, Inc. distributes the Personal Annuities variable annuity component, mutual funds and tuition savings agreements. 0 TIAA and TIAA-CREF Life Insurance Co., New York, NY, issue insurance and annuities, 0 TIAA-C REF Trust Company, FSB provides trust services. - Investment products are not FDIC insured, may lose value and are not bank guaranteed. © 2000 TIAA-CREF 08/03 2000 Renee Zellweger, Morgan Freeman Black Comedy counCiltravel.com 1 —800—2COUNC|L www.hullsdr'ivein.com_ Residence Life Positions, 2001-2002 " 18 at 7 :00 pm in University Center 113. At these sessions A questions you might have. Applications will be available only " FRIDAY 0 SATURDAY 0 SUNDAY ‘ Admission $4/adult I BRING IT ON PG 13 ' 7 W Comedy 1 . 8 0 O . 8 4 2 . 2 7 7 6 a‘c’i3%'3c DOUBLE FEATURE-—— OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_003.2.txt F OCTOBER 9, 2000 OPINION PAGE 3 «W&L’s third maxim: “Love it or leave it” In addition to upholding honor and entertaining the speaking tradition, Washington and Lee’s third maxim should he “love it or leave it.” Too often I read articles denouncing W&L idiosyncra- sies, the very features that make this and usually a lot of it. So it’s like Nietzche said, “If every- one is guilty, then no one is guilty.” So I figure, if every- one has a lot of work to do, then no one has a lot of work to do. Life really isn’t that bad. The onslaught of work is the school unique. Or I’ll hear a vague mur- mur of complaints lingering around the KCo- op. Or l’ll see students carrying O 1 ,8 FX common lament most often swing- Kiis Pollina ’05 mg by my ears. I can understand how getting an education can Atlas’s burden on their shoulders as they sludge down the Colonnade. For Christ’s sake, we’re 20 years old. What can be so ‘had? Oh my God, the workload. The stress. Why can’t college just be beer and sex? “Hey, what's up?” “Ohhhh I have a 15 page paper to write by tomorrow, an Econ test Thursday, 9,422,015 pages to read by Friday, ‘a beruit tournament Wednesday, a date function Friday, tailgating on Saturday, AND I have to meet my roommates at the Southern Inn in two hours.” Oh, the humanity of it all. Yeah, everyone has work, muddle your thoughts and make you crartky. But what blows me away is when people com- plain about the lack of diversity on campus. Or the honor code. Or anxieties induced by date functions. What I love the most is how much it infuriates people that everyone wears J. Crew. You’d think that with that 15 page paper due tomorrow you’d be worrying about other things. I really haven’t found the popularity of Abercrombie all that offensive, but I might be missing something. Why would you go to W&L if you were in search of variety? This is the last place I’d apply to if I wanted to be amongst experimental fashion. And how can you com- plain about the honor code when almost everyone relies on it to safeguard their Banana cardigans? Another thing I haven’t found much fault in are the insane excuses for date parties. What’s the big deal? You get a date, you get a date. You don’t — will you be marked as a social pariah and given a separate table in the D-hall? I don’t think the social chairmen of W&L planned it with the cruel intention to alienate insecure students. I’m pretty sure it’s just supposed to be fun. But once again, I might be missing something. Stop complaining. We’re young. We’re relatively intelligent. We have something to do every weekend. We have ice cream. We have beautiful days outside the Co-op. We have the Simpsons, we have Britney Spears. What else is there? I guess I’m claiming a certain degree of hypocrisy, in complaining about how people complain too much. So goes life. Is there anything that bad that can’t be solved by a beer and a slice of Domino’s or a carton of Phish Food? I didn’t think so. Stop pulling your hair out and go meet your roommates at the Southern Inn. ‘Three cheers for Vermont and democracy ‘ Last April, following a state Su- preiiie Court ruling which prompted a bill legally recognizing homosexual unions as marriages, the Vermont leg- Kislature passed a bill that created “civil unions. ’ The governor, Howard Dean, qui- etly but quickly signed the bill into law. 4 Soon a flood of 4 who had no signing ceremony so “the healing could begin,” gleefully affixed his signature. However, the people of Vermont have not forgotten this disregard for their wishes and flexed their electoral muscle in last month’s primary by de- clining to renorninate all five Repub- licans who Khomosexual couples from across the na- Right of the aisle Brett T. Kirwan ’04 voted for the civil unions bill, instead tion inundated Vermont, the only place in the world ' where they could get “C.U.ed.” Even though Vermont is in the traditionally liberal Northeast and is the only state with a Socialist in Congress, this mea- ( sure has been considered totally unac- ceptable by most of its citizens. To them, and to others who value true rep- resentative democracy, it represents a judiciary. legislature, and executive who have collectively forsaken representa- tion in favor of politically-correct so- cial engineering. The case that spawned this ill—con— ¢ sidered legislation, Baker v. Vemiont, is a shining example of the harm that ju- dicial activism causes. The ruling is- sued by the court mandated that the legislature create a law granting all rights and privileges of marriage to homosexual couples. It completely ig- tiored all constitutional checks and balances requiring that the judiciary ‘ merely interpret laws, not create them. The court vastly overstepped its bounds and created rights that aren’t in the Vermont Constitution, unabash- edly legislating from the bench. ‘ The legislature followed orders with- out a whisper of protest. Seemingly unaware that not one town meeting, a centuries old tradition of governance ‘ in the Green Mountain State, favored civil unions for same—sex couples, the legislature sent a bill on the govemor’s desk only four months after the ruling was handed down. Governor Dean, opting for candidates who stand in favor of tra- ditional marriage. Governor Dean also faces an unexpected challenge from politically—unknown Ruth Dwyer, who has based her campaign on her opposition to civil unions. The election has largely become a referendum on same—sex unions. The strong reaction of the people of Vermont is not because of their op- position to civil unions, but rather because of the way in which the mea- sure was foisted upon them. This strong statement is due more to de- mocracy’s circumvention than same—sex unions’ recognition. Lib- erals who forced homosexual unions down the throats of Ver- monters did so without their ap- proval and without consulting them. In return, this fiercely independent state has launched “Take Back Ver- mont,” “Take It To the People,” and other grassroots movements in fa- vor of traditional marriage. Voter reg- istration is at an all—time high and participation in the primary was also unusually high. Like Vermont, America will not except the liberal social agenda that many left—wing activists seek to im- pose on our country through regu- latory trickery and judicial action. Liberal social crusaders should take note of Verrnont’s example of democ- racy in action and rethink their plans for social engineering. Enjoy the month of October _ been in rerun all summer 4. It’s the unofficial “candy” month Megan Mulligan & Katie Palcho 01 . @112 Tiling-tum lfilii E.t'eL'l¢t‘ive Editors Stephanie Bianco Emily Barnes 5. Daylight Savings Time Ends a.k.a. we gain an hour News Editor Max Smith °f 31361’ , A.s‘si'.stu/it News‘ Editor Matt McDermott 6. October has 31 days so you don t feel cheated I. 0]7ittimt.s' Editor Tara Ann Friedel Most people have a favorite food, song, band, or pair 7. Baseball Playoffs W&Life Editor Alexis Yee-Garcia Sports Editor Jeremy Franklin (‘ontributitzg Editors Jessica Jones Michael Crittenden Last Word Editor Bryan Early of jeans. But have you ever taken a moment to think about 8. Halloween your favorite calendar month? If so, you may be inclined 9. Friday the 13th to choose April or May, when flowers are blossoming and 10. Sitting on a porch with friends, listening 10 music, C C birds are whistling. But give us a chance to test out our drinking a tasty beverage...Need we say more? of the week: 1 pt" 4' L‘ ' . . . . x . . , - - - - - P]wn:::mEp C:l";nL'1;mhe” persusive journalistic skills, to convince you that October So let s see some October spirit on the W&L campus. ‘tll I my Mary Guy should be your favorite month. Here is a list of “The 10 Go for a drive, play in the leaves, carve a pumpkin and eat to class. —- Anonymous male professor Martha Edwards Graphics Monica Schoenthaler ‘ Online Editor Ginger Phillips Bl4.YIIlL’.S‘.S' Manager Paul Seifert The Ring—tt.mt Phi is published Mondays during the uiidergraduate school year at Washington and Lee University, Lexington. Virginia. The Washington and Lee Publications Board elects the Executive Editor, but The Rirtg—tum Phi is otherwise independent. The Rt'ng—tmn Phi welcomes all responsible submissions and letters. All submissions must be in the Phi office, room 208 of the University Center, by 5 p.m. on Friday to appear in that wcek’s edition. The Ring-tum Phi reserves the right to edit submissions for content and length. Letters and columns do not reflect the opinion of The Ring-tum Phi Editorial Board. Advertising does not reflect the opinions of The Ring—tum Phi or its staff. This newspaper observes current court definitions of libel and obscenity. some Mary Janes. (As a side-note, Megan would like to 1_ F311 Reading Days say, that while she does enjoy October and supports this 2, Homecoming column, she does not share my extreme passion for this 3. Season Premieres of our favorite shows that have month.) ? ’ TALKback: What are you doing for Fall Break? Greatest Things About October.” The Ring-tum Phi 208 University Center Washington and Lee University Lexington, VA 24450 ‘ Telephone: (540) 462-4060 Advertising Office: (540) 462-4049 Fax: (540) 462-4059 E—mail: phi@wlu.edu http://wlu.edu/-phi “I’m going to the University of I Virginia to visit friends of friends.” —Rob Burnside ‘04 ‘‘I’m going to stay around to do a little work and have some fun.” Jonathan Wortham ‘04 ‘‘I’m going to visit a friend in New York City.” —Kathryn Drinkard ‘O4 “I’ni going home for a wedding.” —Cataiina Pas sidomo ‘ I Annual subsription rate: $30 OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_004.2.txt PAGE 4 O (The iliing-tum ilflht PINION OCTOBER 9, 2000! Sorting out the “fuzzy math” After watching the Presidential debates last week, much remains a mystery. How did Bush manage to sound knowledgeable about the is- sues? Is “fuzzy math” a credit course at St. Alban’s or Harvard? For that dates’ political twisting of the num- bers more than their discussion of Bush’s tax proposal. I only mention Bush’s because Gore did not seem to have one that could be explained co- herently. Bush rightly accused Gore matter, how of using did Arnold “fuzzy math” Schwarzeneager :5? when attack- . , ' h" ?$Z““g§I§§f§ Mike Agneflo 02 315... ‘S153’; surgery and math itself the vocal implants to facially and au- dibly resemble Al Gore? Last time I looked, Gore did not have a twenty- four inch neck. Kidding aside, we need to take a good hard look at these two clowns and see how what they say they’re going to do matches up with actual reality. ’ No issue displayed both candi- was not false, but it ignored an entire set of figures. Bush’s inability to respond effec- tively from his hip pocket prevented him from pointing out that regardless of the benefits rich people incur un- der his plan, an additional six million American families would no longer pay federal income tax. Gore, who is to a poll. The results are shown at right. I photo byLisa Lin/Photo Editor DEBATE WATCH 2000. Last Tuesday night nearly 100 students and faculty screened the debate with the Politics Department. Afterwards, 57 of the watchers responded “fighting for working families” and just about every other group you can think of, should have praised Bush for his doubling of the child tax credit. Bush, who has an edge over Gore on the education issue, bore the wrath of the Vice-President Gore when he alleged that the portion of Bush’s tax cut benefiting the top one percent amounted to more than his proposed spending increases on education, Medicare, and Social Security com- bined. Even though this tax cut is ten percent or less, this is a no-brainer. These 2.8 million are paying most of the bills, and only getting a small crumb in return. By W’s reasoning, everybody can be happy with this. When Bush says he means to return some of the budget surplus to “you folks who pay the bills,” there’s an unspoken elaboration: “Especially y’all who don’t get 90 percent of your taxes back at the end of the year.” Most importantly, voters need to remember one thing: Neither candi- date is talking about real numbers. Whether you choose to believe them or not, the figures are based on the projected budget surplus for the fol- lowing year. A smaller surplus would leave Bush with less to offer, and Gore more political opportunity. A larger one would favor Bush. Even if you are a simple—n1inded person who says, “I vote with my checkbook,” you are in for a hard de- cision. The best you can hope for, and indeed the best America can hope for, is that you put aside your shallow notions of self—interest and vote for the greater good of the country. The Politics Department Debate Watch Poll Partv identification: Who won? 59.7% Republican 31.6% Gore 19.3% Independent 22.8% Bush 15.8% Democrat 40.3% No one 5.3% Libertarians Pre-debate Qreterence: l .8 % Buchanan 56% Bush 19.3% Gore 21% Undecided 1.8% Not voting Opinion Shift after debate: lperson Gore to Bush 2 people Undecided to Gore lperson Gore to Undecided 52 people Unaffected The poll was compiled by Lee Wheeler, Charlie Boisky and Brooks Batcheller. -.s-.. —_r- N flflk -£1: :- -. .:3«.-1-:'x u 3-.-. .~. . azete 1 109 scum JEFFERSON STREET TEL: 540-463-3116 FAX: 540-463-3171 www.n-gprintshop.com XEROX copy PRICES 8 1/2 x 11 Black and White- 20 lb. Bond $0.10 per copy 501-1000 $0.09 per copy 1001-2000 $0.08 per copy Over 2001 $0.07 per copy 1-500 11 x 11 Black and White- 20 lb. Bond $0.20 per copy , 501-1000 $0.18 per copy 1001-2000 $0.16 per copy Over 2001 $0.14 per copy 1-500 Two sided copies go at two times (2x) the rate. Paper other than white 20 lb. goes at copy price + paper cost. BINDERY WORK Minimum $5.00 or $40.00 per hour LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA 24450 -£2a'.".:A;=.'L BY RICHARD? s I 9“ DIRECTED ‘Y ALG :;§ lnterviélnisfithrougli ' ADVANCE YOUR CAREER. FAST. Start off your new career managing a SCORE! Educational Center for kids. From there, you'll be trained in sales, marketing and management so that you’ll have the entrepreneurial skills to I move up quickly. If you want a job where the only thing that can slow you down is your own ambition, visit www.scorej0bs.c0m. OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_005.2.txt ‘ii A W& PAGE 5 2 fling-tum lfilrt OCTOBER 9, 2000 photo courtesey of Lenfest Press FRIENDLY BANTER: Sir Peter (senior Howard Sanborn) and Lady Teasle (senior Cassie Ritter) tease each other in a scene from this month’s play, School for Scandal. The play opens October 20, with a showing at 8 p.m. Tickets are available at the Lenfest Center box office. Radiohead’s Kid A is the new punk album By Michael Crittenden CONTRIBUTING EDITOR After a long weekend of getting beat down and wearing myself down, there needed to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Luckily there was, in the form of Abita’s Purple Haze, a fine ale from Abita Springs, La. Though I tend to be skeptical when confronted with a beer whose name is a catchy allusion, Purple Haze lives up to its classic-rock roots and delivers a fine raspberry ale. Crafted by the Abita Brewing Company in Louisiana, Purple Haze is a classic American wheat beer that has raspberries added during a cru- cial second-fermenation. A slightly murky amber, the beer has a distinc- tive berry smell that sets the stage for the soothing taste of raspberry ale. Though I am not a berry beer type of guy, Purple Haze satisfies due to its carefully crafted background. The beer is brewed with Abita spring water, found on an ancient Chocktaw Indian reserva- tion inliousiana. 'lhe wateris pulled fiom a deep well for each batch of beer. Abita is also notable for its use of three different hops and a number of yeasts, which are the backbone to a quality ale. Pale, crystal and choco- late malts are combined in the brew- ing process with yeast, water and hops to make this a pure beer without the preservatives found in other beers. Though it makes Purple Haze’s shelf life a tad shorter than most beers, the fine taste makes it worth it. Overall, I give Purple Haze a 7 out of 10 on the year 2000 Beer-O’Rama scale (one point deducted out of principle for it being a fruity beer). A good au- tumn ale to have around the holidays or with some chicken or pork kabobs, Purple Haze is worth the chance if you are trying to decide on a different wheat beer for your next get together. You can find out more information about Purple Haze or Abita’s many other fine brews at www.abita.com. It can be purchased at various stores in town, but your best bet is Main St. Market, where a six-pack is about $6. If you have suggestions for pos- sible beers to be reviewed, email me at crittendenm@ w1u.edu. Otherwise, until next week have a great Reading Days and tip back a glass for me. By Heather McDonald . STAFF WRITER Imagine a wasteland, the kind T.S. Elliot made famous. Imagine angry—look- ing bears with sniper rifles on a land- scape of snow—white sharp angles, vol- canoes and grey—red skies. It could be a film, but no, it’s Radiohead’s long awaited CD Kid A. The Bends it is not. It is a concept CD, a rock opera, a painting in sound. It is experimental, postmodernist, both ugly and beautiful. If it sounds like I’m analyzing a poem, well, I just might be. After the great alt—rock angst—ridden Bends and OK Computer, (not to men- tion the ever—popular Pablo Honey), Kid A is about something new, blend- ing ambient sounds electronica—influ- ences and general Thom—Yorke— ishness. I want to call it the prototype for a new era in music (possibly hence the title?), but in this age of “Total Re- quest Live” I do not blame the masses for not understanding anything out of the three main genres blared across Top 40 stations everywhere (those three genres are boy bands/Christina/ I Britney/Mandy/whoever’s 14, blonde and has breasts, the generic angry hard rock band of the moment, and the new- est perversion of something that used to be hip-hop). I ' ' had only that in mind while creating an aural masterpiece. In the grand tradi- tion of the Radiohead rumor, it might be fun background music for other ac- tivities as well. Kid A is a CD for the true music lover, especially those who go beyond the liner notes and simply sit and lis- ten. Beyond the initial sales, I predict Kid A will be a commercial flop. In 20 years, bands will be talking about this CD and how it’s influenced them. In the meantime, I’ll simply be listening to the CD for the hell of it. ph HARD AT WORK: Crittenden searches for another quality beer to test his sophisticated palatte. mm H Eily Bes/Executive Editor published since 1897. Obtain a weekly subscription When R.E.M. put outAutomaticf0r the People, they declared it a punk al- bum. Why? Because it went against all the grunge, all the generic alternative music with which R.E.M. is usually clas- sified. Kid A is the new punk album. It is unlike anything you’ve ever heard and, chances are, no one will truly un- derstand it. I know I don’t, but I do like it. Kid A is a soundtrack — but for what, no one’s sure. One review Iread declared it the perfect accessory for the stylish stoner, but I doubt Radiohead Subscribe to the Phi! If you would like to keep up with events at Washington and Lee, subscribe to W&L’s campus newspaper. Get the news first--get it from the Phi, photo court .y of ww .g npla. . ' NEW AND IMPROVED: Radiohead released their latest album, Kid _ A, on October 3. in one easy step. Just send a $30 check to: Ring-tum Phi University Center Washington and Lee University Lexington, VA 24450 4, I. Town & vcountryl , 31 $txu »- saw-t. VA .2445». , 18 E. NELSON ST. (540 ) 464-4483 PROBLEM WITH THE LOCALS ? WE’RE FROM ATLANTA. AT THIS TIME WE ARE STILL ABLE TO ABSORB THE HIGH COST OF ENTERTAINMENT- SO WE NEVER CHARGE STUDENTSA COVER CHARGE! DON’T MISS ouR MoNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL PARTY wITH .25 CENT HoT wINg_S ~ _2_ fog; A£fiTIZEI§S AND SPECIALS wE CAN’T ADVERTISE HERE ! SuNDAY wE o1>EN AT NooN - ouR KITCHEN ISMAKING SoME or THE BEST FOOD IN TowN - THE 12 W5 HAVE UP To 5 DIFFERENT NFL FOOTBALL GAMES some AT THE SAME TIME - KEEP u? wITH YouR HoME TEAM wITH ALL THE COMFORT 5 OF HOME. *wE BUILT THIS PLACE wIIH XQLI IN MIND. IF You HAvEN’T 1—'OuI\I’D uS YET You NEED To GET our MoRE. THE T. v.’S, POOL TABLES, vIDEo_ GAMES, FOOSBALL TABLES, DART MACHINES, DANCE FLOOR, AND LIBATIONS ARE HERE To TAKE YouR MIND or? YouR DAY. HAVING FuN IS o1<:* OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_006.2.txt PAGE 6 S @112 filing-tum Elflht PORTS OCTOBER 9, 2000 Generals roll over week’s co By Geoff White SPORTS WRITER The women’s soccer team won two Old Dominion Athletic Conference games at home this week, edging Emory & Henry 1-0 and hammering Guilford by a 10-1 score. The Generals defeated Emory & Henry by a seemingly narrow margin on Tues- day. In actuality, the Generals dominated the game, outshooting the Wasps 46-0. Emory & Henry goalkeeper Melissa Berry stopped 23 shots to keep her team in the contest. The Wasps’ defense was the true story of the game, stopping the Gener- als repeatedly, as most of Berry’s saves were from long shots. The Generals’ only goal came with 13:10 left in the game, when senior Sam Garbisch took a shot that hit the post. Freshman Heather Coleman scored off the re- bound for the game-winning goal. The 10-1 score of Washington and Lee’s game against Guilford on Satur- day was more indicative of the Gener- als’ domination. Freshman Fontaine Marcoux opened the scoring halfway through the first half after a shot from junior Kate Bidwell hit the post. “Once we score one, we get some confidence and it comes together,” senior captain Liz Olsen said. Sophomore Ruth-Hill Yeilding scored the second goal off an assist from freshman Sara Jurkowsky. The Generals’ third goal came with two minutes left in the second half, when Yeilding passed to Bidwell, who put the ball over the head of goalkeeper Jenny Akman. Nine minutes into the second half, sophomore Jenny Thomas, who had previously been denied by Akman, scored an unassisted goal. Three min- utes later, Thomas beat two defend- ers in the Quakers’ zone and passed to Marcoux, who notched her second goal of the game to put W&L up 5-0. One minute later, Akman tackled a General i11 the penalty box. Freshman Meghan Hayde scored on the ensu- ing penalty kick to extend W&L’s ad- vantage to six goals. Five minutes after the Hayde tally, Marcoux went in alone against Akman, but was denied the hat-trick goal. With 19 minutes left in the half, freshman Susannah Hewlett went in alone and won a loose ball for an empty-net goal. Soon afterwards, Yeilding took a shot that Akman was unable to control, and" Hewlett picked up the loose ball for her WALK IN THE PARK. Junior Kate Bidwell moves the ball upfield in the Generals’ 10-1 win over Guilford on Saturday. second goal of the game. Guilford scored their only goal with 7:27 left in the game, when Megan Barolet-Fogarty deflected a shot past senior Lauren Harris. “We are still struggling,” head coach Jan Hathom said of the W&L defense. “We don’t contain people, and that’s why that one goal went in.” Freshman Heather Coleman scored . O O . . . mp Upcomm g events In General athletzcs... " . Football » Sat. October 14 Hampden-Sydney 1:00 p.m. Sat. October 21 Sewanee (Homecoming) 1:30 p.m. Men’s and Women’s Cross Country Sat. October 14 Virginia State Meet TBA Riding Fri. October 20 at Hollins TBA Men’s Soccer Wed. October 11 at Eastern Mennonite 4:00p.rn. Fri. October 13 at Manhattanville 4:00 p.m. Sun. October 15 at Emory & Henry 1:30 p.m. Thu. October 19 Bridgewater 4:00 p.m. Sat. October 21 St. Mary’s (Md.) 3:00 p.1n. V I p Women’s Soccer photo by Colin Mitchell/Staff Photographer Wed October Holhns _ pin‘ Sat. October 14 at Carnegie Mellon 1:00 p.m. Wed. October 18 Fenum 4:00 p.m. Sat. October 21 Roanoke 1 1:00 a.m. for the Generals with 3:18 left in the Volleyball game eff 311 355151 ffefll Senief Tues. October 10 at Eastern Mennonite 6:30p.m. Courtney N013“ Yelldmg 383111 Seered Sat. October 14 at Goucher Tournament TBA when Olsen fan dew“ the left 51de and Wed. October 18 Sweet Briar 6:30 p.m. gave a perfect feed for the final goal Sat. October 21 Hollins 1:00 p.m. “Our ball possession was good and people played well together,” Hathom womenas Tennis Said Ofthe Overallteam effolt . October 14-15 W&L Fall Festival 8:30 am. The Genera-15 (7-4, 5-3 ODAC) W111 October 19-23 at Rolex National Tournament TBA host Hollins on Wednesday at 4:00 p.m. Catholic knocks W&L from ranks of football unbeaten W&L sports roundup had the whole package.” Senior tailback Marc Watson, who set a school record By Jeremy Franklin SPORTS EDITOR Catholic limited Washington and Lee to just 46 yards of total offense, and Dan Boyle rushed for 197 yards and four touchdowns as the Cardinals rolled over the Gener- als 47-0 Saturday in Washington, D.C. “What happened was just a bunch of pressure from their defensive front,” W&L coach Frank Miriello said of the Cardinals’ defense, which held the Generals to minus- six yards rushing. “They just nullified our run game, and they put a lot of pressure on our quarterbacks, so they with 319 total yards last week in a 34-6 win over Randolph- Macon, was limited to 14 rushing yards on 14 carries. “Mark, instead of having room to run, never got a clear shot at any inside or outside running game,” Miriello said of Watson. “He never got a chance to run north and south, because most of his running was east and west." Despite the loss, the postseason aspirations of the Generals (4-1, 2-1 Old Dominion Athletic Conference) are still flickering. “We’re still in the hunt for the ODAC title,” Miriello said. “Catho1ic’s got some tough games coming up in the conference (in Emory & Henry and Bridgewater). MostW&LSfuclen’rs US‘!/\l eolsol 1 and Health Educafion: Office Based on W&L CORESurvey data from 1998, 1999, 20001 ' “We have to beat Hampden-Sydney — there’s no ques- tion about it. It’s a must-game for us, and we’re treating it that way.” W&L runs in Dickinson meet The Washington and Lee men’s and women’s cross ‘ country teams finished in the middle of the pack out of 39 teams in Saturday’s Dickinson Invitational in,Carlisle, Pa. The women’s team placed 16th in the meet, led by sophomore Burke Duncan, who finished 27th overall with a time of 19:44. Senior Jessica Panillo ran a 20:09, good enough for 45th overall. The Generals finished 23rd in the men’s meet. Freshman Andy Schorr ran a 28:03 to lead W&L, finishing 73rd overall. Generals open tennis season The Generals’ women’s tennis team opened its season with individual and doubles competition in the Rolex South- east Regional Sept. 30 through Oct. 2 at Mary Washing- ton College in Fredericksburg, Va. Junior Melissa Hatley and sophomore Erika Proko ad- vanced to Monday’s finals before falling to Lea Schon and Ashley Knapp of Mary Washington. Hatley finished fourth in singles competition for the Generals. Three of W&L’s four doubles teams made it to the semifinal round of the tournament. The teams of sopho- more Laura Bruno and freshman Elizabeth Law and of sophomores Alyson Brice and Brandi Jane Wedgeworth both lost in the semifinals. Session 1/ Test 1 Session 2 Session 3 Session 4 Session 5/Test 2 Session 6 Session 7 Session 8 Session 9/Test 3 Session 10 KAPLAN LSAT Prep Classes SCHEDULE FOR THE DECEMBER 2 EXAM (CLASSES WILL MEET FROM 6PM-9PM) Tuesday, October 17 5 Thursday, October 19 Tuesday, October 24 Thursday, October 26 Tuesday, October 31 Thursday, November 2 Tuesday, November 7 Thursday, November 9 Tuesday, November 14 Thursday, November 16 (1-800-KAP-TEST) .THE- every monday 8:30 p.m. to midnight October 9: Mjndbending Productions J AVA AT coFFEEpeopleMusIcmore October 16: Open Mike Night GHQ 1& I OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_007.2.txt F )0OCTOBER 9, 2000 S @112 ifiing-tum iflhi PORTS PAGE 7 T. ‘I. By Sarah Griggi 5 SPORTS wrirrze After a successful .-week 7- of ‘matches, the Washington and Lee Eiiicluding a5-I mafirintheO1C.1Domin- Tuesday and Randolph-Macon‘ %32Yonien’s College on Samrday. 0 . W&L wonTuesday’s match. *§three»gaInes, 15-9,15-1,0, 1,5-8’; Junior. 1 Vindsjay Ruckert and freshman gkills -1- Rnckert with ‘-136 atidjshelton ‘recorded. an impressive 20: assists fiwas not far,behindwitl1”t7, ., ‘ ‘ . " .‘i‘Tl1cy’are one of the better tearns‘ in the ODAC, but wereally didn’t f ‘volleyball team stands at 10-5 overall, 7 ' {ion A.th1et'ic Conference. The Genet-‘_ ~ .1313 defeated Randoph-Macon College . Shelton. led the Generalsin’ _- _ L V A _ A j V p L L Q -ODAC tournament, butthe team has with '11. Senior setter I’am Saiilsbary . Effwhile senior setter Katherine Kline. j good team? Saulsbuiy said. “We need to concentrate on beating them Q continuesto breeze 4 through O])ACschedule have too much trouble with them,” said“ Saulsbury, one of the team’s captains. . Saturday’s,rnatch was another easy Generals’, victory, with scores of 15-4, 15-3, and 15-3. Shelton once again led with.12 kiils, and Kline and ‘sophomore Stacy Kimmel contrib- uted to the win withfour aces each. Kline and Saulsbury each recorded * 4 10 assists. 0 ‘W&L travels next 5 to fflarrisonburg for a match against "Eastern Mennonite this Tuesday. Nine matches remain before the itssights set on winning 'I'uesday’s . contest. 1‘?Ea_stern Mennonite is always a first before any others.” 3 ODAC Football Update Standings ODAC Overall Team W L PF PA W L PF PA Emory&Henry 2 0 74 49 4 1 152 73 lWashington&Lee 2 1 65 59 4 1 142 85 Bridgewater 1 1 65 49 4 1 139 82 Catholic 1 1 75 31 2 3 127 103 Hampden-Sydney 1 2 75 67 2 3 126 118 _ Randolph-Macon 1 2 61 90 2 4 97 185 Guilford 1 2 34 104 1 4 47 186 October 7 Results Catholic 47, W&L 0 Emory & Henry 37, Hampden- Sydney 14 Guilford 28, Randolph-Macon 24 Bridgewater 14, Maryville 10 1 Saturday’s Games Hampden-Sydney at W&L Bridgewater at Guilford Randolph-Macon at Emory & Henry Catholic at Methodist .-_ October 21 Games Sewanee at W&L Catholic at Hampden-Sydney Emory & Henry at Guilford Randolph-Macon at Davidson Johns Hopkins at Bridgewater October 28 Games W&L at Bridgewater Catholic at Emory & Henry Ferrum at Guilford Davidson at Hampden-Sydney Roanoke snaps W&L win streak By Geoff White SPORTS WRITER The Washington and Lee men’s soccer team dropped a crucial game to Roanoke College, then rebounded against Guilford to improve their record to 8-1-0 (5-1-0 in the Old Do- minion Athletic Conference). The Generals went to Roanoke on Wednesday to fight for ODAC domi- nation. Prior to the midweek matchup, which the Maroons won 2- 1, Roanoke and W&L were the only two remain- ing undefeated teams in conference play. _ The two squads played to a score- less draw at halftime, a tie that ex- tended past the break. Late in the sec- ond half, Maroon Regi Francois put his team in front with a shot that de- flected off a W&L defender into the goal. Ryan Pflugrad scored the sec- ond Roanoke goal a few minutes later. Junior Andrew Grimes struck back for the Generals with four mintes left in the contest, scoring off a pass from freshman Philip Miller. Roanoke goaltender Chris Ebeling kept the Generals from tying the match, finish- ing with three saves on the afternoon. Sophomore Tim Foley made three saves for the Generals. “We didn’t play up to our poten- tial,” defender Ryan Nelson said. “They also had fortune on their side and we didn’t.” W&L head coach Rolf Piranian agreed, stating that “it was a very even game.” y ‘Co In I chelll/Sta-ff Pholirgraphcr BOXING our. Senior Jacek Mucha attempts to keep the ball from a Guilford defender during W&L’s 3-0 win on Saturday. in the first half,” Nelson said. W&L had several scoring chances before halftime, however. With 10:35 left in the first half, sophomore Brad The Generals won Saturday’s game against the Guilford Quakers 3- 0 despite a shaky first half. “We were just playing kick and run Murphy broke free in the Quakers’ end, but an offside call abruptly ended the threat. The half ended with both teams tied 0-0. “We just didn’t come out to play that half,” Grimes said. The Generals opened the second half with considerably more offensive pressure. Four minutes into the half, junior David Kodack took a shot that evaded Quaker goaltender Ryan Fitzgibbons but sailed just over the crossbar. Ten minutes later, senior Jon Wilson took a shot that went over the goal as well. Wilson scored with 28:42 left in the match on an unassisted tally. Seven minutes later, Grimes took a pass from freshman Bret Grote, but his shot hit the crossbar. Grimes scored his eighth goal of the season with 14 minutes left in the half when he took a pass from Murphy and put it over Fitzgibbons’ head. Murphy added the third goal with eight minutes remaining on the clock. Foley made two saves to earn his second shutout of the season. At the other end of the field, Fitzgibbons tal- lied seven saves. Senior Andy Crawford was named the ODAC player of the week for his three goals and one assist against Hampden-Sydney and Lynchburg on Sept. 28th and 30th. _ The Generals now face a three- game road trip, with contests against Eastern Mennonite, Manhattanville, and Emory & Henry. They return home Oct. 19 to face Bridgewater. OCR::/Vol_103/WLURG39_RTP_20001009/WLURG39_RTP_20001009_008.2.txt PAGE 8 Because I was the only person who volunteered for it LASTW @112 ifiing-tum lflhi ORD OCTOBER 9, 2000 Uncle Bryan is Non-Ofiensive Fable Once upon a time, there lived a very special rabbit named Little Bunny Foo-Foo. sbelivedin thewoodsina special forest reserve set up by the Sierra Club to be a sanctuary for the endangered spotted owl and the California condor. Little Bunny Foo-Foo lived with her mother, father, and twelve brothers and sisters in a nice medium sized hole under an old growth redwood. Her family was very careful when they made their . home as to not damage the tree or do irreparable harm to the local ecosystem. Bunny Foo-Foo 's parents loved their children in a wholesome, completely Christian way. may brought up their children with lots of morals and religion and kept them away from evil things like the media and society. Papa Foo-Foo worked very hard for his family, ga th ering pl en ty of vegetation for everyone to eat. Mama Foo-Foo kept the hovel clean and took care of all of her bunny children. Sanetimes the Foo—Foos had problems and got into squahbles, but for the most part they lived a good life together. may laughed, they cried, had good times, had bad times, and shared their triumphs as well as their failures. It was a very happy bunny fam.i.Z_y. ane time Little Bunny Foo- Ibo, the youngest of the Foo- Foo family, was hopping through the forest. She scooped up lots of field mice and bopped them an the head. Little Bunny Foo-Foo had a psychological disorder that made her want to bop things an thehead... especiallyfield m.ice. mis disorder was not Little Bunny Foo-Foo's fault -- she was born that way. mus, Little amny Foo-Foo could not be held accountable in any way for her actions. Little Bunny Foo-Foo had many friends at the local Critter Elementary School. Mzile her school was attendend. by mostly bunnies, it prided itself for being diverse and open to an.imals of all sorts. It had foxes, turtles, beavers, several deer, and even a bear cub. Little Bunny Foo-Ibo loved going to school because she got to learn about fun things like hole-digging, plant- ea ting, ' running-from-big- scary-animals, and multi- variable calculus. Little Rznny !'oo—ioo got wonderful grades in all her classes. Her favorite class was fibecause she got to hop around and bop other animals on the head. Mzile the other animals di@'t appreciate getting bopped an the head, they were enlifitened enough to realize that since Little Bunny Foo-Foo had a disorder she coulh ’t be held acountable for her actions. are day though, Little Bunny !'oo—Ibo went overto the house of her friend, Carla the Fox. While Little Bunny Foo-Foo’s mother had never told her that foxes weren't nice animals, the Foo-Foos never had any foxes over to the family hovel. Although, she had some reservations, Little Bunny Foo-Foo went over to the Fox Bole anyway. She was summarily eaten by the Fox family because that's what foxes do-it's not the foxes fault that bunnies taste so good. we end. *2'he moral of the story is: Don't be friends with anything higher up on the food chain than you. y i 1. Stay upplateiiritoiithe I 4. Play Ska music" I Q A . 5. Dorftdo your laundry ever or 6. Bring home stray Camie folk , 7. Say you find him or her S I “strangely attractive” 8. Take a vow of silence or a vow Top? Wys t0B<5’1’¢" Your Roommate Watching re-rungs of sFrz'erzds 2. Giveupbathing I .Dec1are the room clothing a ,4 optional and walklaroundi ‘ T’ wearing only sandals S ’ S S L0 of non-silence y I 9. Scream every time your room- mate uses the letter “W” in a iprepositional phrase Don ‘t believe the urordr that I ray. I only write them oaure they're Ian-nay. I don ‘t mean to ollend the average bloke/. Only to get a /mile from my gooly joker. It '1 not like they pay me. -- tort lllord Editor Mom btswl 07: me use If you take $19.37 from the penny tray at Kwik Mart, but only give back a nickel and a gum wrapper; are you ungentlemanly or just a jerk? SA TYPiCAL D/_’\“\’ ‘Ma 1\r\oN§l¢,A $C.Ho€NTl-lAl.EQ You know, elections are a sign of the impending doom of society. The media, the radical ecoterrorists, and Stephen Baldwin are all part of a vast leftist conspiracy designed to subvert the minds of people into believing we live in an actual democracy where the real wills of the populace are reflected in our government. Fools, the country is really run by none other than Timothy Leary, whose acid- induced visions will pervert our country with such crazy things as government paid prescripition drugs and Pokemon. l 3(,I.'¢_ki‘ ICIOO\«k* 3!: Scraper ’r Chan-:k* ‘ @\§" Cari ai aln M O é .’-‘A ) X HAVE M10651 QAMPUS? HAVE THE’ veemees G_\‘”‘-“ (3.; To THE'( NEANDEKTHAL. y AND‘ DKA assist. us To THEM miss? WHAT ~-H\eI_:l_E_l,_t. :5 ‘mar miss?’ Is it Pram? WA: Dew-45 URGES AND 6 s1Asts_o ‘» woMEN Lu